To cite Monty Python’s timeless Dead Parrot Sketch, I wish to register a complaint.
With not a whiff of irony, Cheltenham Town boss Wade Elliott claimed his side’s performance would have been “everything you’d want to see” if you were among the 300-or-so who travelled north.
It only begged the question: What were they paying good money to see?
Bolton Wanderers huffed, puffed, and struggled, at least until Kyle Dempsey’s 80th minute pot-shot broke the tedium. They did at least attempt to play football, which is more than can be said for the visitors for most of the afternoon.
This is a game the Whites probably would not have won in either of Ian Evatt’s previous seasons in charge. Nevertheless, it was a fairly flat display that would have warranted more criticism had the winning goal not arrived.
But whether they matched the high standards they have set since the turn of the year was a side issue compared to Cheltenham’s eccentric approach to the game, one which more resembled some type of performance art than football, at times.
Never has a side wasted time as brazenly as the Robins in the quarter of a century the stadium has stood. Their antics can be passed off as rather comical in the light of Dempsey’s winner but had Elliott’s side emerged with a point, nobody would have been laughing.
Referee Sunny Singh Gill tottered along seemingly oblivious to the skulduggery for the whole first half, aside from the odd jog and wag of the finger towards a dawdling corner taker.
He seemed to take it more seriously after the break, presumably when someone informed him that the ball had been in-play for around 25 minutes in total, and folk were starting to ask for refunds.
Left-back Ben Williams took the leading role. His incredulous look when asked to hurry up at set pieces grew more absurd as time went on, and that is not to mention his Platoon-style exit in the second half when he picked up a legitimate injury as he slid off the field, only to hobble back on, collapse again, and halt play.
It is easy to be sarcastic now – Bolton won. Timewasting is an issue that the footballing rule-makers must tackle more vigorously, though, as it is genuinely spoiling football as a spectacle when it gets as bad as this.
Cheltenham were within their rights to sit in and defend, hitting on the counter. And their manager Elliott is entirely correct to say they made some good chances – Will Goodwin’s header just after half time the best of them until Eoin Toal blocked Alfie May’s would-be equaliser on the line in the last few minutes.
It was frustrating to see that, when allowed, the Whaddon Road men played some good football. May is a particularly talented player, surely destined to play at a higher level, and Caleb Taylor – son of former Blackburn defender Martin Taylor – is another who caught the eye, twice denying Dion Charles with brave blocks in front of goal.
Back in October, Cheltenham had played Bolton off the park, and should have won by more than a solitary goal. To see them resort to such extremes was just a little sad.
Wanderers have struggled against the ‘low block’ before and a new-look strike force of Shola Shoretire playing behind Dion Charles and full debutant Vic Adeboyejo never looked comfortable trying to pick their way through the visitors’ deep lying defence.
Charles did get free midway through the first half, running on to a headed pass from Gethin Jones, but blasted over the bar with a rather rushed shot.
Neither Adeboyejo or Shoretire will have experienced that type of game before, so can chalk it up to experience, but as a side, Bolton are going to have to play more positive football at a faster tempo if they are to kill off such stubborn opponents.
Wanderers cannot expect every team to engage them in an open game. Seven of their remaining 15 fixtures this season will be played at home – and while Ipswich and MK Dons might seek to match them for expansive football, it is a reasonable assumption that Port Vale, Cambridge United, Shrewsbury Town, Accrington Stanley and Fleetwood will follow a very similar blueprint.
Evatt’s squad was without eight players through injury and suspension. And Bradley will make that nine at Peterborough next weekend after picking up his 10th yellow card of the campaign, given, in all seriousness, for timewasting.
The young defender probably shouldn’t have pushed his luck with Bolton 1-0 up, faking to take a throw and then stopping to toss the ball back and pass on the responsibility to team-mate Toal.
By that stage referee Singh Gill had finally clocked what had been going on, and so giving him any chance to reach for his pocket was a little foolhardy.
Bolton will have to shuffle things at the back next weekend, and Declan John – starting his first league game since October – also left the field early having looked out on his feet.
Evatt was able to call on two experienced substitutes, Kieran Lee and Cameron Jerome, who shared a combined 70 years between them. They had a positive impact, and it was not long after their arrival that Dempsey rifled in the winner, with the help of some bang average goalkeeping from Luke Southwood.
Dempsey has been one of the driving forces behind Bolton’s excellent New Year form and though he has some legal issues to which he must attend this week, his affairs on the pitch have been overwhelmingly positive since he returned to the team.
Once behind, Cheltenham found some urgency. They had a couple of chances to get level, which really would have made their small travelling support happy yet could not take them.
Although the five additional minutes was a meagre offering in the context of the game, it seemed like a double punishment for Bolton, who were finding things more uncomfortable than they could possibly have expected towards the end.
When the final whistle sounded, Wanderers celebrated three points more out of relief than genuine satisfaction. That they have now gone more than 13 hours since conceding a goal at the UniBol is quite astonishing, and to be developing such habits at this stage of the season is hugely encouraging. They remain fifth but now trail third-placed Ipswich by just a couple of points.
Interesting times lie ahead but hopefully not many more games like this.
From a footballing perspective it had passed on, it was no more, ceased to be, gone to meet its maker…
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