THE home makeover shows on TV have turned the world a wonderful colour of beige.

Every house featured has its gaudy carpets replaced by shades of neutral. I'd say don't bother to follow this advice unless the house is going up for sale.

I replaced my speckled, moth-eaten, berber carpet in the living room with a lovely, plain camel-coloured woollen rib. Consequently I spend most of my time picking up black bits or sponging marks off the thing. I'm now looking for a suitably huge rug to solve the problem.

In future I'll stick to shades of the garden - mud to be more precise.