Alwyn Graham's look at life SMILE and the world smiles with you, so they say.

But that was a long time ago. Walk around wearing a smile today and the world edges cautiously over to the opposite pavement.

So many dangers, so many reasons for "awareness" have wiped the smiles from our faces - the more aware we are, the fewer reasons we have to smile.

And would you believe National Smile Week is coming up, May 13 to 19? Of all the sadly inappropriate national weeks to run, this one takes the biscuit. It originated from the British Dental Health Foundation and, as an exercise in tooth care promotion, is a fine idea - for those who like to smile in the bathroom mirror.

But take it too literally and you could end up in custody.

Let's face it, you would go bananas if your small son or daughter habitually smiled at strangers, the very people you spend half your life warning the mites against.

For us, there is no longer any such thing as a motiveless smile.

If a stranger of either sex smiles warmly at us in a crowded bus or bar, we assume it's a prelude to a pick-up, rape or a time share promotion. If a middle-aged woman strides towards us, grinning, we know she wants to flog us a catalogue. And If a man or woman smiles invitingly at our child, we tell the police.

If a teenager approaches us with a smile, we suspect he or she is asking for loose change; if a slightly eccentric person does the same, we conclude another "care in the community" case has slipped through the net.

You think this is cynical? Just as an experiment, greet the next stranger you see with the kind of smile that reaches your eyes and lights up your soul. But don't ask me to bail you out.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.