THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT ARACHNIPHOBE Spiders, spiders everywhere

And all the girls did shrink

From jobs in the kitchen when

They found one in the sink.

"What, frightened of one spider?"

Scoffed Kevin: "That's a laugh.

"You'd better not go upstairs --

"There's 40 in the bath."

Spiders, spiders everywhere;

Their stealth was quite uncanny.

Shrieks from the loo confirmed them

In every nook -- and granny.

Sidney dropped his dark toupee,

As from the horde he fled.

Then grabbed it from the mele,

And plonked it on his head.

Spiders, spiders everywhere

And one said, with a frown:

"Sid, go get your glasses on

"And put our Webster down."

Nancy cried: "Don't panic. They

"Can't bite -- that's my belief."

"I'll bet you're wrong," dad answered.

"Yon big one's got false teeth."

Spiders, spiders everywhere,

And one said as he pranced:

"We're like the National Lottery;

"We pick on folk by chance."

"Now we'll go while you enjoy

"The pleasures of daylight.

"But, dear punter, don't relax --

"IT COULD BE YOU tonight!" By Peter Turner

Harwood.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.