I FELT specially privileged, when from my car, which, with many others, was stationary on Moss Bank Way, I spotted the solitary cyclist for whose benefit Bolton's main northern ring road has been so improved.
As he pedalled manfully throu gh a soup of exhaust fumes from the standing traffic, it occurred to me that he was not the sole beneficiary of the combined wisdom of the council members.
I thought of the great increase of leisure time afforded to me by the ground breaking intellectual concept of providing one traffic lane, where once two were barely adequate, and I determined to devote this extra time sat in a stationary vehicle to considering matters of philosophical merit. Take the matter of the bizarre white markings that now deface the entire road surface of Moss Bank Way. To the casual observer it seems simple council vandalism, however, I understand that these markings can now be seen from outer space and will soon rival the Great Wall of China as a tourist attraction.
Regrettably of course, tourists will not be able to actually visit the site due to traffic congestion. Due to the overwhelming success of this improvement I urge the council to turn its attention to the remaining traffic lane to accommodate the needs of groups of road users to as yet catered for.
Readers are invited to submit their own proposals but I would personally endorse skate boarders, strolling lovers and old men walking their dogs.
The pavements of course would be occupied by asylum seeking illegal immigrants who could eke out their social security stipend by begging from the huge host of permanently grid-locked motorists. In gratitude therefore for this vast improvement to the quality of life I urge all BEN readers to reciprocate in kind by ensuring through the ballet box that the individual councillors concerned spend the remainder of their days at leisure and never again have to shoulder the onerous duty of public service.
P McCarthy
Forest Road
Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.
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