Our Rita's gone all posh SORRY to go on about CORONATION STREET, GRANADA again but have you noticed how Rita's relationship with posh Anthony is affecting her speech?

Should the Kabin Queen be chatting to any other occupant of the street she converses in her usual Lancashire twang - a dialogue smattered with the usual 'ey ups' and 'eeh gerraways'.

However, let Anthony set just one brogued-foot into her midst she starts talking as if she has a mouthful of plums ... or should that be plams. After that slap up meal he made for her on Monday - "I used to be a chef" he smarmed - she suddenly cast aside her northern roots and adopted a more affected form of the Queen's English than - well - the Queen really. I half expected Anthony to spring up from his chair announcing 'she's got it, by Jove she's got it'.

Mind you, Rita is only doing what almost every person in the land does when they come across someone with a posher accent than theirs. They try to mimic it. Usually with horrendous and hilarious results.

One last observation. When Rita asked Anthony to stay the night he looked so chuffed I thought his bow tie was going to light up and start whizzing round in anticipation.

This dirty business makes us watch it

BACK for a second series, LIFE OF GRIME, BBC1, Monday is as vile, disgusting and hideously compelling as the first one.

This time we're in Sheffield where we accompany the team from the city's Environmental Health Department to all manner of stomach-churning incidents.

These are the men and women who spend their days knee deep in - well, do I have to spell it out for you?

There was Chris Babbington, the pest controller, who was battling an infestation of cockroaches in some of the city's poorest housing; mortuary technician, Maxine Coe and animal warden, Trevor Cook who tried his best to prevent a crop of chickens from re-painting the neighbours' houses in their own inimitable way.

But the worst of all had to be the case faced by health officer, Trevor Haughton and his team.

They needed much more than a bottle of Mr Muscle for their task which was to clean a house that had been occupied by two brothers who refused to throw anything away. And I mean ANYTHING.

This was a house of horrors where the fridge was crammed with bags of their own excrement, cupboards filled with bottles of their urine and, well, you didn't want to see what they'd done to the bathroom. Let's just say the toilet was in a bit of a state and leave it at that.

The brothers are thankfully now in care but this insight into their sorry lives begged the question, why had they been allowed to live that like for so long?

My doubts about the adoption pair

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH, BBC1, Tuesday chronicled 12 months in the lives of four very different couples wishing to adopt.

I have to admit to having doubts about the couple obsessed with blond hair.

Deeply religious, the woman said that God had told her she must adopt children (they wanted four).

The social worker asked what she would do if God told her she should no longer keep the children.

"God wouldn't tell me to do that," she replied.

But what would happen to the children if He did? WERE it not fairly obvious that the actors on TAGGART, GRANADA, Thursday are over 18, I would have to assume the programme was being performed by Year 2 of a local primary school. In fact I have seen far superior performances by the children of local primary schools.

The acting in this series is APPALLING and I reckon all concerned honed their trade at the Lewis Collins School of Overacting (remember him in the Professionals?). When the actors aren't throwing knowing and meaningful looks at each other, they're delivering their lines, parrot fashion, directly to the camera.

Can't wait for their Christmas Nativity play. Tea towels and tinsel at the ready folks. ONE TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND ... ANIMATION NIGHT, CH4, Saturday. This features the cast of South Park (pictured above) when Cartmen (he of the Cheesy Puffs) and his pals journey to Arkansas to appear in a massive children's event - they all play a so-called tear jerker of a song on recorders. Not to be missed. The rest of Animation Night includes the fantastic Futurama and Our Toon which sees celebs choosing their fave cartoon capers.

AND ONE TO MISS ...

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? GRANADA, Sunday. Because nobody is ever going to win the million quid and I'm sick to death of sitting through those boring questions before they reach the £8,000 mark.