I HAD a bit of trouble switching on my computer at work this week.

It was a big blow to my confidence and to my belief that I was up to a job I have managed to make a living out of for 18 years.

I thought about carrying on but as I sat in front of the blank screen I just didn't know which way to turn.

I've always been tactically naive when it comes to switching on my computer. I know that and I'd love it - LOVE IT - if I could do it. But I just haven't found the formula.

I've tried my best but I've got to accept I'm just lacking in something, I don't know what but whatever it is I just haven't got it. I've given it my best shot and it's not good enough so I've decided for the good of everybody to give someone else a chance to switch the computer on.

I know we've got another paper coming out in the next few hours and everyone's depending on me. But I don't give a damn because I'm only thinking about myself.

Some people might think I'm incredibly brave and dignified to be so humble and open about my shortcomings in public.

But I think I'm just being a big fat softypants who gives whingy mardy crybabies a bad name so I'm not going to quit after all.

Which brings me to Kevin Keegan.

He might have tried to hide his decision to walk out on England behind a mask of dignity, humility and sympathy-seeking self-doubt. But the fact is he bottled it at the first sign of trouble.

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised at being left in the lurch by a man who did the same at Newcastle and then left Fulham after repeatedly stressing he would not be leaving Fulham. I just hope he doesn't fancy a job on the BEN sportsdesk because I would like somebody sitting next to me the next time we've got a problem - like not being able to switch a computer on.

Glad to be Sky high

I'M so glad I haven't got Sky TV. If I had I would have had to pay three times to watch England's match in Finland last night - the TV licence fee, satellite TV rental charge and then the pay-per-view sum.

And if that's not good reason enough to stay terrestrial (not that that's much better) then the fact that there's a programme on Sky Sports 3 called: 'Steve Davis and Friends' in which this week 'Mark Johnstone-Allen drops in for a chat' just about clinches it.

Reading the riot act

HALF journalist, half politician Boris Johnson is not my favourite person.

The man probably most famous for being a figure of fun as occasional guest on 'Have I Got News For You', has had a right go at his fellow colleagues in the newspaper column writing game.

He reckons we roll into work late, take a long lunch in the pub, have a quick browse through the London Evening Standard and then churn out a column based on what we've just read.

I can't believe the cheek of the man...we read the Daily Telegraph!

Conkering the world . . . and the Germans

WE did it. We beat the Germans.

Okay, it was only in the World Conker Championships but in a week when Germany can claim victory over England at football and tennis (Tim Henman's defeat in the Hong Kong Open semi-finals) and celebrate Michael Schumacher's Formula One motor racing title into the bargain you've got to take what you can get.

RMI till they die

WHO said Leigh was just a rugby league town?

Dedicated souls who have made Leigh RMI (that's the soccer lot who share Hilton Park with the oval ball brigade) their weekend raison d'etre are proving that rugby, no matter what the traditionalists say, is not the only game in town.

The away fans, yes there are people who watch RMI all over the country, travelled on the team coach up to the present season when the big time of the Nationwide Conference meant they would have to follow their club on the train.

And how about this for dedication. While the world and his dog was following England against Germany, Leigh's clash at Hayes - six miles from the big event at Wembley - was one of the few games in the country to go ahead.

The counter attraction of England meant nothing to the 'RMI till I die' crew who cheered their team to a 2-1 victory before travelling back to Euston, then north where the train failed to go all the way to Manchester but stopped short at Crewe, meaning an unexpected several hours on a bus which wound its way back home through every side road in Cheshire before destination Leigh was finally reached in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Well, at least they missed England v Germany, so it wasn't all wasted.