PARENTS are overjoyed when their baby learns its first words. It means that a new level of communication has begun. But, no matter how old we are, learning to talk is vital if we are going to have strong personal relationships.

The trouble is that many of us have lost the art of genuine communication. Some people can't talk about their real feelings. Others talk and talk but never really say anything.

Many of the problems in marriage and relationship breakdown are caused when people find themselves unable to communicate. Maybe they can talk about everyday things, but they cannot share their deeper thoughts or concerns. Sometimes, in extreme cases, this can lead to violence. People who can't express themselves in words or loving actions often turn on the people they love with aggression and rage.

This is why agencies such as Relate have such an important part to play in our society. If a Relate counsellor can help a couple to start talking that is a huge step forward. Communication lies at the heart of promoting strong couple and family relationships.

Learning to talk in this deeper way is not always easy. We find it hard because we have to be genuinely willing to hear what others have to say. It is all too easy to shout them down without making the effort to talk.

Thank God for organisations like Relate because they help people learn to talk again. Learning to talk is at the heart of God's concern for His world

When we do learn this kind of talking, it doesn't mean that failing relationships can always be put back together. Sometimes, even after a couple have been helped to communicate, they may decide to end their relationship. But it doesn't mean that their talking has been a waste of time. Their learning to talk will have taught them valuable lessons for the future, whatever happens.

I don't want to give the impression that this learning to talk comes easily. It is always difficult. It can take a very long time. Perhaps there will always be deep things about ourselves that we can't communicate to others. But what matters is the trying, because it is in trying to talk that we become like God.

Michael Williams

Vicar of Bolton Parish Church