TERRIBLE news -- I'm too fat for television!

I realised this astounding fact recently when I was rubbing shoulders with the Coronation Street cast.

All right, I'm just name-dropping, but I enjoyed writing that. The occasion was actually the launch of the 40th anniversary celebrations of the country's most famous Norther soap in Manchester.

The world of media and his wife had been invited, and yours truly trolled along for the bash. We were told we would be "mingling" with the stars, although no in-depth interviews, please.

All went well -- until the cast came within mingling distance. And I realised the truth of that statement that TV puts 5lb on you.

Every one that I'd presumed had plenty of flesh on them just didn't.

Les Battersby was tall, smart and race-horsey in build. Geena the barmaid was slender and beautiful, Maxine was extremely slender and beautiful, and Linda Baldwin didn't really have a bottom to speak of.

Even Duggie the builder wasn't the chunky hunk I had expected.

What I had considered as the large, slightly blousy lady on the 'phones at Streetcars, Eileen, turned out to be tall but basically normal in build and very nice-looking.

And the new Street doctor's wife, Charley, is ever so slim -- pretty and bubbly.

All in all, it was a depressing experience for a short, middle-aged size 14 journo with freckles.

The only consolation was that Norris from the Kabin and Deidre's mum Blanche toddled in arm in arm and were only diddy. They were also very nice: she smiled as she left, with a quick "tarra, love" to me.

All of which reminded me wonderfully of a story that the late, brilliant Pat Phoenix used to tell about the fickleness of the fans.

She was walking towards Granada's studios in Quay Street one day when she passed a couple of women who obviously recognised the Street star.

"Hello, Elsie", they chorused.

"All right, chuck," she replied warmly, in-character ... only to hear one of the passing women comment to the other:"See, told you she was common as muck"!

Guess when you're famous you simply can't win.