by Steve Canavan ALBUMS

Bee Gees --- Best Of

One of the funniest things on TV was when Clive Anderson slated the Gibb brothers so much that they walked off his show.

Everyone applauded Clive, but the odd thing is that, since then, the Bee Gees have gone from strength to strength while Clive has disappeared from our screens.

The Bee Gees don't care though. Here they release a two CD collection of every song they've ever done.

It makes you realise that they are actually very, very good writers of pop songs.

And to say they have written loads of 'em is an understatement on a par with Michael Barrymore's had a bad year.

New York Mining Disaster is still a class act, then there's all the other stuff like Massachusetts, Against All Odds, You Win Again and For God's Sake Love Don't Leave The Washing Up In The Sink Overnight Or Else I'll Have To Do It In The Morning.

That last one, by the way, is a rare B-side, recorded at Gibb's council flat in Roehampton circa summer 1979.

Personally I find these double CD's a little too much to bear but I can't deny there are a lot of good moments on this album, and it is perfect for anyone who likes the Bees.

Sting -- All This Time

Sting is probably a very nice guy. He fights for all the right causes, loves trees and is very good in the sack (that's not from personal experience by the way, just what I've read).

But this is absolutely bobbins.

It is basically Sting singing his own songs -- and here's the catch -- slightly differently.

Thus in Don't Stand So Close To Me he throws in a trumpet and a Spanish guitar and expects us to pay £15 to buy it.

Well sorry Stingy boy but it just won't wash. You would have to be a hardcore fan to buy this, let alone like it.

What makes it slightly difficult to criticise is the fact that it was recorded live in a small club in Italy in front of fan club members on September 11.

Given the events in America on the same day he has dedicated the album to the victims.

That is all very noble but it doesn't excuse the fact that the album is actually very, very poor.

Mis-Teeq -- Lickin' On Both Sides

Three girls from London who named this album after their love of spreading jam and butter on both sides of toast.

This is very cool hip-hop cum dance cum R&B and will be lapped up by fans of those genres.

It is above average, includes the top ten hits Why? and One Night Stand and all the girls are gorgeous so it is bound to sell loads.

The best bit about it though is the lyrics.

Here are two examples: "Yo, yo, Mis-Teeq, Here we go with the one Blacksmith, aye, and away we go".

And the priceless: "Our style is unique, you can take the heat, You nasty girl you nasty, You nasty girl, nasty, you nasty girl you nasty, nasty girl, nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty, oh nasty."

The latter one's called Nasty.

And just to prove that the girls aren't getting carried away with their success, on the sleeve notes vocalist Sabrina writes: "My thanks goes out to the power above that has guided me along the rough and smooth walks of life and has blessed me with a talent I can share with the world."

SINGLES

Dandy Warhols -- Bohemian Like You

This American group annoy the hell out of some people but I can't get enough.

Not as good as their fantastic last single Godless but still way above average in the guitar market.

Sort of like Blink 182 but doing it for the music and not the money.

David Kitt --- You Know What I Want To Know

Dublin bloke sings tenderly over an acoustic guitar with a few blips and blops thrown in. Actually a lot better than it sounds with a nice enough tune.

Natalie Imbruglia -- That Day

Strange comeback song from Natalie. Seems to think that if she talks really fast and says loads of words then we'll overlook the fact that this hasn't actually got a tune. However, she's still gorgeous so I'm going to lie and say this is absolutely fantastic.

NB. If you're reading this Nat, I'm free Thursday.

Goldfrapp -- Lovely Head/Pilots (On A Star)

Double A-side from the ultra-cool band. Above average stuff as usual, very atmospheric and some mighty fine whistling on Pilots.

Lighthouse Family --- (I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free/One

(This Is Actually Very, Very, Very Boring And) Poor. However, on the upside, it has just won the 2001 Longest Part Of A Song Title In Brackets award.