FABIEN Barthez...where do you start?

I hope he's in the PFA because, judging from the look on Alex Ferguson's face at Highbury, he might be needing retraining soon.

Acting could be an option after the news that Tesco want him to promote their new butter fingers product (really, it's true).

Or, there's always panto. I mean, he's used to people screaming 'he's behind you'.

There was a doubt over whether he'd be fit for this week. Apparently a bug was going round Old Trafford but he couldn't catch it.

Enough. Barthez is a great goalkeeper and Ferguson should ignore Joe Public and stick with him. Laurent Blanc is also better than Jaap Stam, their new 4-5-1 formation is a masterstroke and I have to go now because the men in the white coats have come for me