DEAN Holdsworth did not need to put his thoughts into words. The tears welling in his eyes said it all.

The likelihood is that the Reebok favourite made his last appearance for Wanderers on Saturday at the ground where he stood on the terraces as a boy.

Holdsworth did his best to keep his emotions in check after the 2-1 defeat at Upton Park but he could not hide the sadness as he faced what now appears inevitable - his Reebok farewell.

"There is a possibility I may stay but there is also the possibility that I may get back down here," he said, suggesting his future was in the balance - an agonising choice between seeing out the final year of his Bolton contract and long-distance commuting or returning to a more conventional family life with his wife, Samantha, and two sons, Bradley and Jordan, at their home on the edge of Epping Forest.

"Although I'm under contract I may go home to my family. I'll be speaking to the gaffer over the summer and we'll see what happens then."

But the tears were a giveaway and it was evident to those who know the Londoner that, in his heart of hearts, the decision has already been made.

Holdsworth, who won over the Wanderers' fans after an unconvincing start following his record £3.5 million October '97 transfer from Wimbledon, wants to play Premiership football at the Reebok next season. But, at 33 and having spent much of this season on the substitutes' bench, he fears his first team opportunities will be even more limited. And he has no desire to just stick around and pick up his wages.

"It is not about money," he insists. "I don't need it. I just have to be playing football, getting out there and scoring goals."

On the face of it, all that remains now is for the Walthamstow-born striker to be offered the chance to join a club nearer home and he will reluctantly says goodbye to the Reebok - and he has been repeatedly linked with a move to Luton, where his old Wimbledon boss Joe Kinnear has steered the Hatters to promotion to Division Two.

Holdsworth was just a fingertip away from turning Saturday into a personal triumph as Wanderers produced a second half fightback that took them within three minutes of ending the season with a draw.

A half-time substitute for the ineffective Michael Ricketts, he looked all set to mark his 176th appearance in Bolton colours with his 50th goal until England World Cup keeper David James launched himself to palm away his powerful shot on the run.

"I knew the goal would have taken me to 50 for the club - and it was Bradley's 11th birthday too," he pointed out. "It would have been special and a nice landmark for me but it was a great save by David. On other days they go in but, sadly, not today.

"I grew up down here and this is where I came to watch every week. I'm a fan, always have been, but you try to be professional and forget things like that.

"Nevertheless, nothing would have given me more pleasure than scoring here and in this game."