ROBBIE Williams and I now have three things in common.

We were both born in Stoke-on-Trent; both are Port Vale fans. And now, both of us are Ministers of the Universal Ministries Church.

So watch out Manchester United, we now have support you can only dream about.

Robbie is, of course, richer than I am -- church mouse rather aptly comes to mind in my case -- and has probably forked out the $20 needed for his printed certificate of ordination.

Not that I wasn't tempted, I just thought the resulting argument over my expenses form was not worth it.

In any case, when I have my printer working I can print the form off for nothing.

So, for the moment you will have to take my word for it -- trust me, I'm a journalist... er ... man of the cloth.

It all took around three minutes on the Internet.

The Rev Douglas E. Hickman, founder of the Universal Ministries Church, needed to know my name, home and e-mail addresses, and if I vowed to uphold the Doctrine of the non-denominational Universal Ministries Church.

"Do what is right, live fruitful lives, be true to ourselves and the God each of us worship, while causing no harm to others, and accept the individual's right to worship as they see fit within the laws of their respective countries."

Nothing there for me to disagree with -- I clicked on the space to indicate that I agreed.

Phew! So nowhere, then, for me to confess that I was once sacked as a Sunday School Teacher -- lots of us had a rebellious streak in the 1960s.

So I am now the Reverend Frank Elson and am, quite legally it appears, able to carry out marriages, christenings, communion and confessions under the laws of the State of California.

And therein, as Shakespeare wrote, lies "the rub".

California -- the loony-land where every daft idea you can think of is taken seriously.

The Rev Hickman will undoubtedly become a very rich man as fans of Robbie Williams (and Port Vale?) flock to join the same church. And it is, I suppose, just a bit of harmless fun really.

Now, do I still get a lie-in on Sunday?