Your guide to the housemates

Alex

Alex is a paradox -- a technically beautiful looking individual with the mannerisms of your great Aunt Nora. It is an intriguing combination and although his non-stop nagging nearly got him evicted in the first week he has since proven himself to be a quirky character with a sense of humour and a moral streak. His close relationship with Adele was weird -- would it be too cynical of me to think that it might have been staged for the cameras? After all, it is hard to imagine Alex having feelings for anything except a bumper bottle of Dettol. Alex was many people's favourite to win but he is up for eviction tonight and could possibly go out (not, really, it WILL be Tim!) -- if Jade's wailing doesn't drive him to 'do a Sandy' before the public get the chance.

Jade

The self-described "fat ginger minger" (since her disastrous hair dying caper earlier this week) has voiced so many idiotic comments that she seems too bad to be true. So far she has believed East 'Angular' to be abroad, Mother Theresa to be related to "Mr Heinstein, Inspector Morse and Sherlock Holmes" and Michael Jackson to be British. Some viewers ventured that Jade's stupidity was an evil ploy but then they saw her mum. And considering she can't even pronounce tactics (tictacs . . . what?) it's unlikely she's plotting any. Being the baby of the group might have saved her from eviction so far but the irritation factor of her huge gob means that she has two hopes of winning -- and both of them are called bob.

Jonny

Despite the fact that his Geordie accent hits you like a brick to the head, Jonny blended into the background during the first few weeks. Described by Adele as more like a "Big Brother fan" than a contestant Jonny seems like a genuinely nice guy, albeit one who cares a little bit too much about what people think. (Which makes you wonder why he decided to go onto a game show and risk the hatred of millions.) Still, his gamble paid off as he has a really big following, presumably with firemen (they stick together, you know) but also with the 'blokey' quotient who presumably think that Tim and Alex are just big girls' blouses. The Geordie lad might just win it, ya naaa!

Kate

Good looking and sporty, Kate was non-the-less a bit bland at first, sticking to Spencer like glue and not really coming out of her shell. However, since some of her closer mates have moved out, Kate has blossomed into one of the more popular contestants. She has bonded with Jonny and shown excellent judgement in refusing to be seduced by Tim. She is evidently a popular character -- and it doesn't seem to be just the bloke vote she is getting, girls like her too. She is fast becoming the favourite and if she does win will be the first female to win Big Brother in the UK. You go, girl!

Tim

Not the most likeable contestant the show has ever seen but then we do struggle to warm to newcomers don't we? Tim is not greatly liked inside the house or out. Even were it not for his plummy accent, the constant preening of his ridiculously high hair is enough to get the bile rising. (Did he learn nothing from Spencer the slob's popularity?) Also worrying is the fact that in the dark Tim appears to have no eyebrows. This is wrong.

Tim knows he is not well liked and is apparently chuffed about being nominated for eviction tonight. (Just as well, cos he IS going!) Wait till he is met by a legion of gingers, baying for his blood, outraged that he is denying his true carrot-topped heritage.

Bad luck Tim; you never had any chance of winning. But then you don't need the money anyway, do you?

Big Brother is on Channel 4 tonight at 8.30pm and 10pm