IT cannot be long before we hear a traditional cry in Bolton town centre.

"Get yer Santa rats 'ere," adds to the gaiety of the passing scene in Deansgate as salesmen with accents more Salford than Lapland sell red headgear with bobbles.

The first time I encountered this phenomenon I thought a "Santa rat" was some variation on the reindeer theme, occasioned by cutbacks at the toy factory.

But then I cottoned on and -- well, I had been in the pub -- purchased a hat which always makes an appearance at some party or other. These thoughts are prompted by the relentless commercial assault which has been flagging up Christmas since October.

On Saturday mornings, dizzied by "seasonal" music pumped out in various stores, I look in awe at the hordes of people determined to "get sorted" for Christmas before the rush starts.

I know it is only a matter of time before I hear Slade (Merry Christmas Everybody) telling me, wrongly, that everybody's having fun and Jona Lewie, whoever he was, subjecting me to all that irritating nonsense about stopping the cavalry.

At least I can go home and play my Blues Christmas album which features wonderful tracks like "Sandy Claw Stole My Woman" and "Young Girls Drive Me Wild (At Christmas)". Sadly, I have never been able to acquire the blues version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer which I once heard on the radio.

For the moment, though, there is a kind of November desperation typified by the sight of Father Christmas walking about on all floors of Debenhams with no apparent purpose -- unless he was a store detective or the manager in disguise.

When I am back home at the Calvertry, I remain gruesomely fascinated by the Ideal World shopping channel on cable television. (I told you about their 8ft inflatable snowmen recently.)

As I watched Steve and Sean getting excited about outdoor abseiling, snoozing and parachuting plastic Santas, I began to suspect that this was the best double act since Julian and Sandy on BBC radio's Round The Horne.

It can only be a matter of time before this duo -- boundlessly enthusiastic purveyors of mind-numbing tat -- attract a cult following.You read it here first.

Meanwhile, I notice that an American anti-consumerism campaign is gaining ground and that there is to be another Buy Nothing Day in the States this Friday. A similar event is being organised in the UK on Saturday and the perpetrators are encouraging supporters to access their website on buynothingday.co.uk

No doubt they have a perfectly valid environmental point about obscene amounts of waste, but I doubt whether Bolton will respond to this idea.

Participants in Buy Nothing Days are being encouraged to give the money they save to charity and to hand out "gift exemption vouchers" to friends and family who might otherwise have expected gifts to be exchanged.

This really is something not to be tried at home -- unless you wish to be known as a real life Santa rat.