HOT pants are back with a vengeance, thanks to Kylie Minogue and the Cheeky Girls.

These skimpiest of garments are going to be everywhere this summer -- including nipping between pubs on Bradshawgate on a Friday night and parading in Victoria Square on a Saturday afternoon.

I wore them the first time around in the Sixties, and photos show I really shouldn't have (but back then we thought cellulite was what you used to paste paper to walls).

So, a spot of advice from a failed wearer. Forget hot pants this year if you've got (a) a fat bottom

(b) orange peel flesh

(c) thighs Will Carling would kill for

(d) a pension.