SO, what are you doing for National Chip Week?

It started on Monday and is set to captivate the nation until Sunday.

The British Potato Council -- unlike the monstrous regiment of health and diet practitioners -- is seeking to remind us that the humble chip is a good thing.

Not before time.

Millions of my fellow citizens have been brain-washed into thinking that this traditional delicacy merits a place in the pantheon of evil which includes drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.

The very word makes some folk screw up their noses in distaste and conjure up images of the lower classes eating out of newspapers in common places like Blackpool.

Even people who enjoy chips have been conned into believing they are "fries."

They certainly used to be because this good old English dish is actually French -- "pommes frites" came to prominence on the other side of the Channel in the 18th century.

Here in Britain there was a first reference to thin-cut potatoes cooked in oil in 1854.

Since then, of course, our islanders have eaten enough to sink an awful lot of ships and themselves too, probably.

But casual observation at my local chippie seems to confirm that not everybody is under the jackboot of calorie fascism -- yet.

You do sense, though, a feeling of furtive guilt as chipoholics stand there, eyes cast towards the floor, savouring the unique smell and steamy atmosphere.

The British Potato Council, which claims Britain gets through 22,000 tonnes of chips each week, does well to counter the pernicious influence of stick-thin lettuce munchers everywhere.

It has even commissioned a study on "The Meaning of Chips" from the Social Issues Research Centre.

It found -- no surprise here -- that women are often "chipocrites" when they say they do not want a portion and then steal some of those purchased by a male companion. They regard this, apparently, as "sharing."

But in the utterly pointless tradition of such surveys, it emerges that the majority of men would be happy to have their chips shared (or stolen) by Kylie Minogue.

You can only presume, from looking at her, that she rarely dines with the sort of person who responds to such questions.

Anyway, it seems that chef Ainsley Harriott believes chips to be "irresistible and extremely moreish."

He's on the telly and if he says so it must be true.

What are you waiting for? Get in the kitchen and rattle those pots and pans.

According to Ainsley, it is best to use Maris Piper or King Edwards and you can spice up your chips by adding paprika or cayenne pepper before they go in the oven.

That will not do for everybody, but this is National Chip Week after all.

Forgive the cynicism, but there is really no end to this game played by marketing professionals everywhere.

One day I answered the telephone and was asked by a sweet-toned lady from London -- Fiona double-barrelled somebody -- if I had received their press release on "National Clear Your Desk Day."

"Yes!" I said in triumph.

"It's in the bin."