I WOULD like to start by congratulating Miss V Mottram on her letter, "Give more respect to mums" (Thursday, January 8).

I, too, am adopted and, being very open to this, I get totally fed-up with people asking if I ever want to get in touch with my "real mum". And I get positively irate when I watch people who I can only describe as do-gooders on TV shows telling people how it is important that adopted people get in touch with their "real mothers".

Having a child is probably the easiest part of being a parent -- anyone can have sex. But can anyone spend a lifetime worrying about their child, whether adopted or not?

Can anyone spend a lifetime caring for their child, being there when he or she is ill or scared or upset?

Can anyone sacrifice what would have been their leisure time to cook for their child, to clean up after their child and could they, or would they, sacrifice most of their chances to follow their interests and ambitions so that their children could follow theirs?

The answer to that is "no". The only person to do that is a "REAL MUM", regardless of whether she is or isn't the birth mother.

And please don't forget the dads. The biological father has the easiest bit of the whole process. He doesn't even have to carry the child. But it is the "real fathers" who share the concerns and the worries of the mother, and it is the "real dads" who take on the responsibility of raising a child. It is the "real dad" who spends time fretting about the safety of his daughter in a world that is ever more scary, and it is the "real dad" who devotes his life to showing his son how to be a man.

So, congratulations to Miss V Mottram for having the courage to write in about what is such a personal issue. And to anyone reading this, I would ask that, when someone tells you that they are adopted, you avoid asking them if they want to meet their "real parents". The people who brought us up are our parents and are very "real".

(Name and address supplied)