Battered, but not beaten...

FIVE years ago, at the age of 31, Gaynor Ratcliffe's real life began. Before that, as she is now able to relate, she was simply "surviving".

But she has turned that life around, from a woman too beaten and cowed to even look people in the eye, to become an inspiration to the many other women she now helps to take the first steps to education - and taking charge of their own existence.

The child of controlling parents, Gaynor says that she married at 20 "to get away".

When that marriage broke down, Gaynor, by now with three young sons, took a job in a bar.

Here, she met the man who would become her partner. We'll call him Nick, not his real name.

But Nick wanted to control Gaynor and the children, and he did this using violence and fear.

Already low in self-esteem and lacking in confidence, Gaynor quickly became dominated and the situation took a more violent turn when she became pregnant with their child.

She says: "The first time it happened - you never forget that first time - he came in late one evening and accused me of having had someone there.

"He started pushing me around, even though I was heavily pregnant. Then he smashed up the house; completely trashed it.

"Unfortunately, I didn't leave him then. So he knew he had control over me, and things just got worse."

That was the first of many times that Nick wrecked their home. "Me and the older boys (she has five sons altogether) would often be up into the early hours afterwards, clearing up, trying to make the place safe for the younger ones in the morning," recalls Gaynor.

The control spread to food: Nick fed them as he saw fit, which meant that Gaynor and the children were often hungry.

"I begged for food and clothes at churches and charities, but we hid food wrappers in other people's bins in case he found out."

The family was also deprived of suitable clothes, and the children slept on urine-soaked mattresses on the floor. They lived in fear of Nick's rages, and the violence escalated.

Gaynor's list of injuries is horrific.

"He perforated my eardrum by hitting me in the head, broke my ribs and burned me on the back with cigarettes.

"One day, he took a golf club to me and smashed in all my teeth on one side. That was because I had gone to see my sister and was a bit late home on the bus."

A rational person might wonder why she stayed, why she simply did not flee with her children.

"I was incapable of doing anything without him telling me to. I was not allowed to see friends or go anywhere without his permission. I was totally controlled by him, and I felt I needed him totally. I wasn't living, just surviving."

At six and a half stone, battered and dominated, her life was hell.

What changed was the realisation that her sons, now getting older, faced similar violence because they were prepared to challenge Nick.

"I knew we would have to go, because of the children," she says calmly. "If it had not been for them, I would have stayed."

Indeed, the night Gaynor and her sons finally fled, Nick was drunk and threatening to kill her.

Police, whose Family Support Unit had already helped Gaynor so much, acted quickly to get her away to a hostel in another part of Bolton.

"We had nothing with us. The boys were still in their pyjamas, they didn't even have clothes. We left everything else. But we were free," she says, a smile finally breaking through at the memory.

This was only the start of their recovery, however.

"I didn't know how to live on my own. I couldn't even handle money because I had never had it. I didn't know any of the normal things: I had never seen programmes like Coronation Street because I had never been allowed to watch.

"I had to learn to do things for myself and it was hard. In that first 12 months, I nearly went back to Nick. It was always tempting because that was what I knew. It was safe."

Progress, physically and mentally, was slow.

Two of the boys needed long-term counselling to heal the scars of what they had seen and endured.

Gradually, Gaynor built a new life for herself and her sons. And one day, her eldest encouraged her to try doing something with her life. "You never know what you can do it until you try," he sagely told her.

That "something", by chance, turned out to be a short course in counselling at nearby Westhoughton Community Centre.

"I signed up because I thought it would be good for me, but I loved learning," she says.

With the support of centre manager Janet Colley, she then took a community studies' course.

Tutor Linda Ross provided great help in Gaynor's studies, so she continued with her qualifications.

She was invited by the centre to become an official education ambassador, going out into areas of the local community to encourage other women to study, and is now community facilitator with a wider brief.

As Janet Colley says: "She has come through very difficult life experiences and for others who are wondering how they can improve their lives she acts as a positive role model and excellent support."

As for Gaynor, she is finally happy. "I've got a great job, a home of my own and I've just bought my first car. My kids are doing well. Our lives are good."

Now, part way through a BA hons degree in community studies at the University of Bolton, she eventually wants to teach adults.

"I want to spread the word about education and how it changes your life. Perhaps my story could inspire other women to make a difference to their own lives. I really would like that."

INFORMATION

Fortalice (Bolton's hostel for women and children escaping domestic violence) - tel. 01204 523476, website www.bwafortalice.org.uk

Westhoughton Community Learning Centre, Central Drive, Westhoughton: tel. 01204 453453/01942 634700

Caption 1: EDUCATING GAYNOR: Taking courses at a local college helped Gaynor Ratcliffe leave her violent background firmly behind

Caption 2: HAPPY FAMILIES: Gaynor Ratcliffe with her five sons (clockwise from bottom left) Joshua aged five, Grant, 13, Kane, six, Brett, 15 and Rhys, nine