A CHILD is the most precious thing in any parent’s life, and to have him or her torn away before life has even begun is heartbreaking. Kat Dibbits speaks to one brave Bolton mum who is using her experience to try to help others. . .

“I NEVER saw him, I never held him. They took him away straight away.”

Tina Wright, aged 32, is talking about the loss of her first son, who was stillborn 13 years ago.

“I think it would have helped me if I could have seen him, held him and then let go,” she says. “But he was taken away and that was it. There was nothing there — it was like it never happened.”

Tina found out that Steven Samuel had died just hours before she gave birth.

She says: “At first I said, ‘It’s not true, it can’t be’. I’d felt him move that night.

“I think I was in shock at first, but being in labour at the same time, with all the pain that comes with childbirth, I can’t remember too much.”

Having had no help, when a friend of Tina’s suggested setting up an internet forum for parents who had suffered similarly, the Farnworth mum was determined to help.

The site, www.teardropsupport.org, allows parents to post memorials, share stories and offer support and advice to each other. “A few years ago I went on the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society’s website, went on their forum and started to talk to people about their losses,” says Tina.

“I talked to them about their stories, and I found out how things have changed over the years.

“Then a friend set up her own forum. She had a dream after she had her daughter, Ellie, about running a forum to do with teardrops. I told her I would get involved and help, and it’s gone on from there.

“It helps me to help others.”

She adds: “Teardrop’s a big part of my life now. I always have the laptop beside me and it’s on 24/7 for anyone who needs help.”

Another huge part of Tina’s life is her son, Sam, who was born nearly two years after she lost Steven.

“It was very frightening, finding out that I was pregnant again,” she says. “Everything ran through my head, and everyone wrapped me in cotton wool.

“The doctors scanned me every week, near enough. I was given injections every week to help his lungs develop in case he had to be delivered early.

“They said I might not be able to carry boys. I don’t know why but apparently that’s quite common that people can’t carry girls or can’t carry boys.”

Although she was relieved when Sam was born, Tina’s ordeal was not quite over.

“The first thing they did was let me see him, even though he was quite blue when he was born,” she says. “They took him away to give him oxygen, but they moved everything over so I could see what they were doing.

“But I was seriously ill after that, I nearly went into a coma.

“I remember seeing that he was all right and it was as if I was drifting off into a sleep, but something kept startling me back. It was the scariest thing.

“It might sound strange, but I remember hearing this voice saying ‘Mummy, I don’t need you right now — Sam does’.

“Some people don’t believe in that sort of thing and I didn’t at first until it happened. But to hear it sort of brought me round, I think. It made me feel I was going to see Steven again.”

Although Tina never purposely sat down and told Sam about his older brother, she made sure, through visits to his grave and gentle chats, he was always aware of what had happened.

“I never pushed anything on him, but we always visited the memorial,” says Tina. “He takes a toy out of his bedroom when we go up for Christmas or Steven’s birthday. I went up every day when I first had him.

“I used to hear him talking in his bedroom, and a friend’s lad told me he was playing with Sam’s brother, and they didn’t know anything about him. That frightened me in a way, before I did any of this.”

Tina adds: “Sam’s asked why he died, but I can’t tell him. I don’t know — that’s the only thing I can say to him. There was no reason — that’s why we’re fighting to raise money for research.

“If they had been able to give me a reason, that would have helped me. Not knowing was the hard part after having the post-mortem examination.

“I thought it was me, I thought I’d done something. I see so many people drinking and smoking heavily while they’re pregnant. I’ve had so many people say, ‘Why me and not them?’ and I have to tell them that’s not the way it works.”

To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, which runs from October 9 to 15, and to help raise money for research, Tina has organised a fundraising night with live singers and a raffle at Hawkers Social Club in Gladstone Road, Farnworth, on Friday.

“There is always someone else who has been through it — people you don’t expect, people down the street,” she says. “And there is always help — all you have to do is type it into a search engine.”

Tina says that although time might be a healer, grief can catch her unawares at any moment.

“I had a flashback a few years ago of seeing the shape of a baby as they wrapped him up and took me away, it just stopped me in my tracks — I nearly ended up in a heap on the floor.

“But I just want people to know that no matter how hard it seems, they will smile again. “