A mother has spoken openly about her apparent struggle with postnatal depression which has left her feeling "ashamed and disappointed".
Postnatal depression is a type of illness that many parents experience after having a baby.
It's a common problem and can affect around one in seven women, according to the National Institutes of Health.
Feelings of postpartum depression are more intense and last longer than those of “baby blues,” a term used to describe the worry, sadness, and tiredness many women experience after having a baby.
“Baby blues” symptoms typically resolve on their own within a few days.
'I am so ashamed and disappointed with myself'
In the post, which was shared on the parent website Mumsnet, the anonymous mother spoke openly about her struggle and highlighted an important issue.
The post reads: "I don't know where else to voice this anonymously.
"I am so ashamed and disappointed with myself.
"My daughter is 18 months. I just can't warm to her.
"She adores me, doesn't want to leave my side. She is sweet, patient, doesn't tantrum (yet!). Loves her sleep. Eats anything you give her.
"She looks nothing like me and isn't very pretty. Sorry, I know it sounds awful. She doesn't deserve this type of comment. It's so sad but I just need to let out what's bothering me.
"The strange thing is she looks nothing like H either. We have tan skin, dark hair and eyes. She is dirty blonde, big ears, blue eyes and pale skin. No idea where she's come from!
"But I just don't seem to warm to her. My son, I loved from day dot.
"He was born beautiful. Gorgeous olive skin, looks like me, just beautiful. Better looking than me and H by miles.
A video on baby blues, postnatal depression and the rarer postnatal psychosis
— Dr Amir Khan GP (@DrAmirKhanGP) June 12, 2023
Baby blues affects 4 in 5 new mums
Postnatal desperation around 1 in 10 mums
And postnatal psychosis around 1 in 500
Hope this is useful x pic.twitter.com/dvcMcJnTIT
"My DS also had a relatively straight forward birth. Lovely bonding time straight away. Whereas my daughter was in NICU for three months and very premature. I took her home and was obsessed for months that she'd been swapped and wasn't mine!
"She just doesn't resemble anyone. And I can't warm to her.
"She deserves better. She is a delight personality wise.
"What do I do? Is this post natal depression? I just don't know."
As you'd expect, the post garnered lots of responses, the majority in support and all recognising that the mother was suffering from postnatal depression.
She isn't alone in that regard and by posting about her struggle, she opened up an important conversation that is rarely addressed.
Spotting the signs in others
Postnatal depression can develop gradually and be hard to recognise. Some parents may avoid talking to family and friends about how they're feeling because they worry they'll be judged for not coping or not appearing happy.
Signs for partners, family and friends to look out for in new parents include:
- frequently crying for no obvious reason
- having difficulty bonding with their baby, looking after them only as a duty and not wanting to play with them
- withdrawing from contact with other people
- speaking negatively all the time and saying that they're hopeless
- neglecting themselves, such as not washing or changing their clothes
- losing their sense of humour
- constantly worrying that something is wrong with their baby, regardless of reassurance
If you think someone you know is depressed, encourage them to talk about their feelings to you, a friend, their GP or their health visitor.
Contact a GP, or call 111, immediately if:
- you have frightening thoughts about hurting your baby (these can be scary, but people with these kinds of thoughts rarely harm their baby)
- you are thinking about suicide and self-harm
- you develop unusual beliefs (delusions) or have hallucinations (seeing and hearing things that are not real, like hearing voices)
Immediate action required: Call 999 if:
- you think there's a danger of immediate harm to yourself or others
Do not struggle on alone and hope the problem will go away.
It can continue for months or years or get worse if nothing is done. Depression is treatable and you can get better with the right help.
Fathers and partners can also become depressed after the birth of a baby. You should get help if this is affecting you.
Other helplines
Other helplines aside from the ones listed below can be found on the website here.
Anxiety UK
03444 775 774 (helpline)
07537 416 905 (text)
anxietyuk.org.uk
Advice and support for people living with anxiety.
The Association for Post Natal Illness
020 7386 0868
apni.org
Provides support for women experiencing postnatal depression.
Birth Trauma Association
birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
Support for anyone affected by birth trauma, including partners.
The Breastfeeding Network
0300 100 0212
breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk
Support and information about breastfeeding and perinatal mental health.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here