I UNDERSTAND that an advertising concern is to publish a league table of the best/worst towns in the North-west.

They will count the number of private swimming pools, the quality of the local council and its response to public wishes, the quality of the local pubs, how full the churches are, the drug and crime problems, the peacefulness and cleanliness of the town and the frequency of dogging, which I had to look up and rather wished I hadn’t.

I reckoned that we would come just above the worst town — probably the slightly less exotic Wigan — but then I realised that Wigan has a proper market hall.

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