LETTERS to the editor.

Sir, it is with great regret that I must today tender my resignation from The Bolton News with immediate effect.

Quite unexpectedly, over the weekend, I have come into a large amount of money (don't worry, no one has died).

I'm not normally one for gambling, but given all the recent publicity about the biggest ever jackpot being available on the National Lottery, I thought it might be a bit of fun to have a punt.

And wouldn't you know it, my numbers came up. Who would have thought my cat's birthday, my shoe size and my bank sort code could combine to make me one of the richest men in the United Kingdom.

Ironically, I think I'll have to get rid of the cat. There's no way I'll be able to give her the attention she needs, what with my new found love of globe trotting with no expense spared.

Please don't think bad of me. I'm not going to be one of those shallow, vacuous nouveau riche millionaires who gives up his job and splurges all his dough on a tacky mansion and a sports car.

Yes, I shall most probably move somewhere a little more in keeping with my new social status — Cheshire's meant to be quite nice — and of course I'll need some new wheels, but I shall most certainly not be ditching my career, just because I've become an overnight millionaire.

But I feel it would not be fair to The Bolton News for me to carry on in my current role while my mind is not fully on the job.

This is not goodbye, it is au revoir (very appropriate as I will most probably buy a modest gite in Provence where I can pen my first novel next summer).

The question remains, what to do with the rest of my money. I shall, of course ensure that some of my good fortune goes to good causes (mainly for tax purposes), and while I won't be foolish enough to try to buy Bolton Wanderers (money down the drain), I might invest in an executive box.

I'm sure you don't want to hear much more about how I'll be living the high life, while you lot continue to toil day in day out, but please be assured that I will be thinking of you all as I jet off to the Maldives tomorrow morning.

Mainly I'll be thinking, thank God I don't have to spend another day with that rabble, but you get the idea.

?That is about all I have to say, but I should mention that for the sake of convenience, I am writing this letter ahead of the lottery draw. I'm sure that following my win, I shall be far too busy visiting luxury car showrooms and browsing high end holiday websites to be bothered with writing a boring old resignation letter. However, it would be rude to just not turn up for work without explanation.

But on the off chance that my lucky numbers don't come up (highly unlikely, of course) please ignore this correspondence, and I'll see you on Monday.

Kind regards, Steven Thompson (still news editor of The Bolton News)