HAPPY Valentine’s Day!

If you are reading this and your first thought is ‘oh sugar – I forgot it was Valentine’s Day’ then good luck for the rest of the day. I’ve been in that situation before.

I would suggest using the ‘it’s just a commercial invention from America designed to rip us all off’ excuse – but it doesn’t work.

You could also try ‘every day is like Valentine’s Day darling’ – but that won’t wash if you’re slobbed out on the sofa in your pyjamas, reading the paper, with a cornflake on your chin and two dirty cups on the coffee table, yet to be moved from Thursday.

And then there is always ‘I don’t need to be told when to be romantic – I want it to be spontaneous’. This sometimes works – but if the last time you surprised your other half was with an unexpected Christmas gift of an iron, then you might just be best running out of the house now and grabbing a card and some flowers before they’ve all run out.

I certainly have no excuse to forget Valentine’s Day. My email inbox has been bulging with press releases with the most tenuous links to the big day.

Solicitors have been reminding us that if you get engaged or married on Valenetine’s Day then not to forget to make a will.

And not ones to get caught up in the romance of the occasion, they have also been touting their divorce services. That certainly would be an unexpected Valentine’s Day surprise.

Dear Jeff. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want a divorce, and I want one soon. Love Shirley.

The Food Standards Agency also sent us a cracker. Bosses there want to remind couples in Bolton to “look before they book” their romantic meal out.

The warning comes after 35 per cent of daters in the North West said getting food poisoning would be "the worst thing that could happen to them on Valentine’s Day". Really? I can think of a few outcomes that could be worse.

My other half and I are spending Valentine’s Day house hunting — but not before having a couples’ tennis lesson at Bolton Arena for a feature I’m doing for The Bolton News.

The idea behind it is that couples who play together, stay together – but given how competitive we both are, I’m not sure it is such a great plan. I’ll let you know how it goes

Luckily, I don’t have to do anything for Valentine’s Day this year – because I proposed last month. It was both romantic and a complete surprise. So that gets me off scott free today, right?

What do you mean, ‘no’?

Oh dear. I better get down to Asda sharpish.