CHRISTMAS is over.

This means two things: one, I can start looking forward to my birthday in February (35 this year, eek); and two, it's time to think about some New Year's resolutions.

I should really start saving mine in a Word document — they're the same every year.

Drink less, exercise more, eat healthy, take that book I borrowed in 1993 back to the library (slightly worried my fine be in the thousands by now), go to South America, grow up, go to the theatre more, read more, visit my family more, see friends more.

But it’s so hard keeping to these annual promises we make.

The type of people who stick to their resolutions are the type of people who don’t need to make them in the first place.

They have a 4x4, a chocolate brown Labrador and 2.4 children and they make resolutions like, only buy Fairtrade Guatemalan coffee for our new espresso machine, spend more time helping Jasper with his Latin homework (Jasper is the son, not the dog), and try to drive the Land Rover in a more fuel economic fashion.

If I’ve learnt anything from the mainly useless self help books I have failed to read over the years then it is that any resolutions you make should be in the form of a SMART target — for those not in the know, SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, something beginning with ‘R’ and timed.

So it is no good saying your resolution is to drink less. You should say that you will not drink on Mondays to Thursdays, or that you will not drink during January.

These are both specific and achievable, they both have a time frame, and they are very easy to measure. Finally, they are realistic — ah yes, that’s what the ‘R’ stands for.

Rather than say you will exercise more, you should vow to go to the gym or for a run three times a week. Again, make it achievable and realistic. There’s no point saying you will go to the gym every day, when that just isn’t going to happen with your work or family commitments.

It is also a good idea to make your resolutions public, by posting them on Facebook or Twitter, by telling your friends and family, or by jotting them down in your weekly newspaper column.

So what are mine? Well, I used to try my hand at stand-up comedy (don’t laugh) and since a colleague took it up last year, I have had an urge to give it one last go.

So I will aim to have some jokes written by the end of January and to be back on a stage by the end of February (when I’m 35). I’ll let you know how I get on.